Wanting A Life Not Yours

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Journal Entry. 3rd of December, 2022.


I remember one very late evening back 2018 as I sheepishly stepped down the flight of stairs leading to my personal parking space, stressed out, and burned out. I had to stay for a week in the studio because the movie we were doing was nearing its deadline. Decisions, signing checks, meetings, strategizing, doing my own shots, making sure the servers were up and going, taking and making calls.. I walked to the station of the security guard on duty who was to open the gate for me, and he was dozing off. I stood there looking at him wishing I had the simple luxury of sleeping like he did, of dealing with simpler problems, that I envied him and thought of magically exchanging places with him at that moment.

I gently woke him up taking care not to startle him. He was so embarrassed and kept apologizing that he slept on duty. "It's ok," I said consoling him, "your job is difficult as it is and you must be tired." "Ah yes sir, my baby kept me up all day. How's your day sir?"

"Deadline's next week. We're nearly there. How's your family?"

"Coping with dues. Even more difficult raising little children at the same time."

"Are any of them in school?"

"Just one. High school. I keep telling him what you do here. He's very fascinated. I always tell him to study hard. I wish I listened to my mother back when she was nagging me to get serious with my studies. Then maybe I could be doing the work you do and give my family a decent life."

God struck me with those words. Somebody somewhere is wishing for the life I'm now living yet complaining about.

This man wished for the life I had. I wished for the life he had. Truly, no change in circumstance will ever give the human heart contentment. We climb our personal mountains hopeful, only to find upon reaching the top, that there was nothing there all along. Alas, who can truly know the depths of man's discontent till it rests only in God? Since then Father has graciously taught me thankfulness and humility over wishful ingratitude. From the air I breathe, to every heartbeat. The simplest things are the things we cannot live without after all. Things we take for granted.

A man contented in Christ is the richest of all, having everything, needing nothing. In this world or the next.

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