Fairsunshine

Lolomboy I slept but little, and was awakened much earlier than was needful. Yet the conviction to go forth this day rested so strongly upon my mind that I could not put it aside. Having asked my dear wife, who was still unwell, whether she could manage the day in my absence, and receiving her consent, I resolved to set out for that place which had long remained impressed upon my thoughts— Lolomboy Market . We had stood there twice before. 2020 and 2023 . Yet I cannot say that I chose this location today; rather, I felt myself compelled to it. My body was very tired, and I felt I would vomit any moment. The rain had continued throughout the greater part of the week, and by every consideration this was no suitable day to stand in public. Had I my way, I should gladly have remained at home. Such are seasons when conviction speaketh more loudly than comfort. Reluctance in the flesh, I have learned, comes with obeying Christ in the spirit. I knew I must go. Hitherto my custom had be...

I cannot explain it, but I cannot set the feeling aside that I must return to this place today. On the former occasion I had made excuse and withheld the sowing of the Word, though afterward my conscience merely slept on it. There lingered upon my heart the sense that obedience had been delayed through fear and hesitation. Today I was constrained once more to go unto that place, yet this time the Lord showed me a quiet kindness through my wife, who graciously offered to accompany me. By her presence there was granted unto my heart a measure of calm which I had not known on former occasions. The usual burden of anxiety that so often oppressed me whenever I ventured out alone seemed greatly diminished, as though a gentle hand had lightened the load I carried within. And so the journey which once felt heavy and fearful was softened by the grace of shared fellowship, and I gave thanks unto God for the comfort He so kindly provided. There seemed to abide in that place a certain air...

F eeling a heavy disappointment that the fear of man had so easily overtaken me at Crossing Wet Market , I began a timid retreat toward home. I turned down a road I had never intended in taking, thinking only to clear my clouded mind with a longer ride. Yet, after some time, I found myself stopped at a most familiar intersection—a place where I had stood twice before with brethren. The afternoon was late, and the people filled the street in thick company. I saw a small space to park, yet my heart wavered; I passed it by, caught between the desire for the peace of home and the heavy 'woe' of the Gospel (1 Corinthians 9:16) . But seeing an opening in the road, I could proceed no further. I turned back. I had no leaflet to give away this time; my tracts were exhausted. It was now time to exhaust my voice. I stood before the thick of the crowd, and in that moment of extremity, I was empowered with a strange but familiar fire. It was a flame not of my own kindli...

W hat utterly despicable flesh is this.  Even after all these years of labor, I find that I still cower in fearful apprehension whenever the hour comes to step out and proclaim the Gospel. My flesh resists me at every turn, making excuses—the heat, the pain of my knee, the indifference of the crowd—anything to keep the Word silent. As the people go about their business, unmindful of the eternity that hangs over them, I find myself pathetic in 'minding' them with a weight that is almost too heavy to bear.  It remains a profound mystery of God’s wisdom that He would prepare this messenger by fashioning in his person a disdain for attention, one who loathes company, and despises the society of men, in order to speak His truths to men. Yet, it is in this very weakness that the excellencies of Christ are best seen; when a fearful man is constrained to address a crowd with a burning heart, it is plain to all that the strength is not his own, but comes from the throne of grace. Havin...