Thoughts

This afternoon's silence, after a gentle downpour, is humbling. I can almost hear my thoughts, to which a great part of has more questions than meditations, God alone knows how much a concern my walk with him is, and I would dare not bring myself to be comfortable at the end of the day, even if that is such the case at work, when all the cares of business and family matters rob me of my personal time with him.

I also dare not rest on the work at hand, which is currently street witnessing and preaching, and call it a work unto the Lord - because the first commandment is not to preach the gospel, but it is "to love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, soul, mind and strength," I am well aware that I can obey dutifully without loving the Lord. I can lay claim that what I do is for his glory - but what does the Lord think of me? As a worshiper?

There have been a number of times that I have withdrawn from social media, going as far as to deem them a loss of time for the Lord and close them down, criticizing my own heart as to why I do what I do. Does it earn me the praise of God or the praise of men? Does it rob me of time I should have spent in secret prayer and intercession instead? There is a dire need to recognize pride, as it always has a tendency to creep in unawares, lest I be puffed up with it and fall into the snare of the devil. It will also lead to this deadly delusion, that I can accomplish much for the Lord without him,

I have realized in the silence of this afternoon, that any ministry and all action must simply be an overflow of my extensive time before the Lord, choosing to stay at the dust at the foot of the cross, for I firmly believe in my heart that intercession is the highest of all ministries. And prayer the most difficult work of all. Living in eternity daily, and coming down to earth once in a while to preach to souls. Not the other way around. Moreso, I am afraid and terrified of continuing, till the Lord has by himself confirmed to me that he has indeed ordained me, and with such ordination has equipped me with a heart that is broken for the Lord's name, and broken still for the lost. Yes he did say, go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature, but he also commanded, 'Tarry ye.. until ye be endued with power from on high'. Thus I will that my preaching should be an extension of Christ’s love reaching out to them, instead of simply coming from my intellect. For salvation is not found in any memorized verse - salvation is found in the Son. I cannot preach to them of Christ's love if I myself do not love them. Inversely, I must first talk to God about these men, before I can talk to these men about God.

The Lord is the same yesterday, today and forever. There are numerous accounts of revivals breaking out amongst the people in Europe, America, India, and South Korea to name a few. The Lord doing a great and mighty work for his name, moving in power. I am troubled that I have not seen such movement, I have only read about it. The darkness of a nation can only be attributed  to the absence of men who are serious and zealous for God. The lesser the light, the greater the darkness. There is much evil in the world, because there is a shortage of men who know God, who yearn for God, who would die for his work. If the Lord moved in power through such men as Whitefield, Harris, Studd, and the like., and the Lord is unchanging, it follows that the shortcoming is therefore with men. More appropriately with present men - who lack consistent and persevering prayer lives. God will never move in the arm of the flesh but in the power and Spirit of God.

I do not want to be part of the professing light bearers who will be held responsible for the perishing of this generation. I definitely do not believe this is the height of what God intended for me to partake of in His Son. There is a great need for God to revive professing men, before there can be conversions of lost men, and there is no better place to start than here in this room. In this chair.

Have mercy on me Lord, keep me forever broken.