Crossing, Balagtas. Day Seven. 14.8489, 120.9051

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What wretched flesh is this. Even after all these years of labor, I find that I still cower in fearful apprehension whenever the hour comes to step out and proclaim the Gospel. My flesh resists me at every turn, weaving a countless excuses—the heat, the pain of my knee, the indifference of the crowd—anything to keep the Word silent. As the people go about their business, unmindful of the eternity that hangs over them, I find myself pathetic in 'minding' them with a weight that is almost too heavy to bear. 

It remains a profound mystery of God’s wisdom that He would prepare this messenger by fashioning in his person a disdain for attention, one who loathes company, and despises the society of men, to speak His truths to men. Yet, it is in this very weakness that the excellencies of Christ are best seen; when a fearful man is constrained to address a crowd with a burning heart, it is plain to all that the strength is not his own, but comes from the throne of grace.

Having spoken to a few souls and seeing my bundle of tracts finally exhausted, I confess I thought of calling it a day and seeking the comfort of home. I did not take the path that brought me thither, but turned instead toward another route, assuming in my frailty that the Lord had understood my weakness and spared me further embarrassment.

But His thoughts are not our thoughts. It soon became plain that I was not being 'spared' the labor, but was being conducted to a greater field. I found myself in a part of the municipality where the company of people was many times greater than any I had yet faced. It was as if the Master had looked upon my trembling heart and said: 'Very well; you may go and not speak in the small place, but you will go where I shall make you speak before a greater multitude.' He would not let His reluctant herald slip away into the shadows until the full measure of the day’s duty was poured out. I had sought the low road of a quiet exit, but the afternoon is not over, and He had marked out instead a high road of greater testimony.

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