Unfit

I waited on the LORD last night as to where I should stand today. The 530 alarm went off but I turned it off. Woke up late 7AM, and did not feel like going out to proclaim Christ even in the morning. I left the house without doing my devotions, riding towards Malibong only to turn back at a road block, and headed out to the direction of Wakas, Bocaue. Riding aimlessly, I passed the public market, and was about to go up the interchange, when without thinking I suddenly stopped to the side of the road. I had a strong impression to go back. "That market?" I asked in my mind. No answer. I have learned never to ask twice. If I do,  it's because I don't want to. So I clicked the left signal, "If you say so,"  and made a u-turn, going inside the wet market section. 

Had to pick a spot behind the main road so as not to block the public and become an annoyance. The place was packed. There was no security and everything was as if there were no restrictions. We are now under modified quarantine, a more relaxed implementation of the lockdown. Hence people are slowly coming out and businesses are opening. Markets are a good place to proclaim the message because even if people are in a hurry to buy and leave, the vendors usually get to be my audience. Filipinos rarely engage a street preacher, they ignore them instead. It's a fool's errand in the eyes of man, and almost all the time you go home without anything happening. Like it was all for nothing. But then again you never know who's listening. 

I was standing beside a drugstore and there was a line. It is good to recognize and take advantage of those instances. As I was presenting my message time and again I would notice people who would sit a few feet from me and just stare into space. Same with some people sitting in the plaza behind me. It must be a sight to see this knucklehead standing under the blazing morning sun in a hoodie talking to people who aren't interested.

After my pleading, I offered the few bibles I brought to anyone who wants one. This is when I get to find out if anyone was listening, because they would quickly approach me for one. I found it more fruitful, compared to just giving tracts and bibles away, that I should present my message first. It's always the case that after people hear the gospel that they themselves approach me to ask for a tract. They tend to be more careful in reading the tract and in keeping it. 

I only managed to bring a few bibles. People still kept asking me even after I already gave my stash away. Our supplies are nearly depleted. I cannot tell if I can purchase more any time soon due to our present situation and need. God will provide. 

I have started out miserably at the beginning of this day. But I have learned not to lean on my circumstances and feelings when it comes to proclaiming the gospel. Obedience to the call is independent of any moods I may have and external influences I am susceptible to. I will not always be excited, and perhaps more often than not, I am afraid, apprehensive, and have zero faith to even go out and do it. But it is at these times that God tremendously magnifies his grace and power in me, where this weakling is strengthened. This stammering servant is given speech. This apprehensive ingrate is made willing. He kindles a fire in my bosom that bursts forth in obeying the call joyfully, to labor in His vineyard. 

I often worry about having nothing to bring to God. But that in itself is self-centeredness. Not how much I can give to God but about how much God will put on me. And I am no more fit to receive God's grace than when I am weak, despairing, and unwilling.