A Fruitful Evening & A Burning Heart

I slept through the day after retiring around past 4AM last night. I was not aware of the time we came home from our overnight watch at the church, but I still worked on compiling the commentaries for Ezra-Nehemiah that I am working on. Woke up by 9AM, took my daugh to Philippine Arena for her shift. Came home and slept again by 10AM till 3PM. Sluggish and with my head buzzing a bit from my recurring headache, I rode out determined to at least reach out to someone today. My plan was to go to the farthest pin I have on my map to San Miguel near the border of Pampanga, but it was not to be. Today, it was my old fishing hole in Sta. Maria. I had a thick pack of tracts in my stash and I asked Father to prepare for me a person to talk to after I am left with just two.

 

It was already evening when I finished my pack, and I bought some salted eggs (penoy) from Nanay Criselda, the lady who sells them right beside me. She knows I regularly stand at this spot, and even gave me a discount to which I insisted she charge me for the full price. I was meaning to take this home to the family, but my Father had other plans. As I walked past the nearby  fastfood joint I saw two parking attendants sitting on the side walk, and was given the impression of offering them my food to start a conversation. I went back and offered them what I had for free, which they gladly received with a smile.

 

I bummed with them on the sidewalk as they ate, praying to my Father to grant me an opening, and that I be not hindered. A hearty meal always helps put things at ease, so after they thanked me I asked them if they would allow me to talk with them for a few minutes and I would be happy to pay for their time. They were right in the middle of work, which I thought they would have to cut our conversation off now and then to tend to parking customers, but they graciously indulged me, sitting through out the whole presentation. I knew I needed to deliver my message quickly, but clearly. Any longer might bore them out. Amazingly they listened with pure interest, affirming the examples I gave by answering them with sound judgement. We finished our small meeting. I thanked them for their time. They thanked me again and again, and refused to accept my payment, but I gave my word so I insisted. They walked me back to where I was parked, still thanking me. And as I pulled out on the street to go, they kept waving and shouting their gratitude. I rode very slow on the way home, almost in a blank state. I thanked Father, but my heart was now broken all the more. 

 

I find tremendous joy in talking with these simple people. I love the twinkle in their eyes when I tell them they matter, are precious, and are lovely humans wonderfully made in God's image. How many more like them have I missed speaking to during the days that I had to remain at home instead? 

Lately, these past weeks, my burden for my nation pressed heavier upon me by the day. I cannot help but break down whenever I think of our flag. Of the blood of my forefathers being selflessly offered in pointless wars in the name of freedom. How much of that freedom have I taken for granted, not taking advantage of it as I ought to proclaim the gospel? 

Having worked on films about our history, I am ashamed to realize that our nation's heroes were more than willing to offer their lives for things that, when compared to eternal treasures, are fleeting. They fought for freedom, we abused it to indulge ourselves. They readily gave all - while the Christians of our day simply refuse to bleed. They did not count the cost, we always do. They believe they are fighting for a glorious land, we don't even realize how a precious heavenly kingdom is promised to us, a kingdom that will never end.

Ezra's prayer, Nehemiah's prayer, and Daniel's prayer show no asking for blessing in behalf of their country or religion, but of confession. A spreading before the LORD of their national sins, and a desperate plea for mercy. Daniel is one of two men who have no record of wrong (it does not imply they were sinless), but he owns Israel's sins as his. Yet today, our prayers consist mainly of what we need from God, not what we need to give to God. There is hardly any mourning, much less any anguish in our prayers for our continuing offences. There are no cries that deserve God's attention, His orders to have us marked, for sighing and crying for all the abominations that this nation is guilty of (And the LORD said unto him, Go through the midst of the city, through the midst of Jerusalem, and set a mark upon the foreheads of the men that sigh and that cry for all the abominations that be done in the midst thereof. Ezekiel 9:4).

Ezra 9:5-6  And at the evening sacrifice I arose up from my heaviness; and having rent my garment and my mantle, I fell upon my knees, and spread out my hands unto the LORD my God, And said, O my God, I am ashamed and blush to lift up my face to thee, my God: for our iniquities are increased over our head, and our trespass is grown up unto the heavens.

Nehemiah 1:4-7  And it came to pass, when I heard these words, that I sat down and wept, and mourned certain days, and fasted, and prayed before the God of heaven, And said, I beseech thee, O LORD God of heaven, the great and terrible God, that keepeth covenant and mercy for them that love him and observe his commandments: Let thine ear now be attentive, and thine eyes open, that thou mayest hear the prayer of thy servant, which I pray before thee now, day and night, for the children of Israel thy servants, and confess the sins of the children of Israel, which we have sinned against thee: both I and my father's house have sinned. We have dealt very corruptly against thee, and have not kept the commandments, nor the statutes, nor the judgments..

Dan 9:3-6  And I set my face unto the Lord God, to seek by prayer and supplications, with fasting, and sackcloth, and ashes: And I prayed unto the LORD my God, and made my confession, and said, O Lord, the great and dreadful God, keeping the covenant and mercy to them that love him, and to them that keep his commandments; We have sinned, and have committed iniquity, and have done wickedly, and have rebelled, even by departing from thy precepts and from thy judgments: Neither have we hearkened unto thy servants the prophets, which spake in thy name to our kings, our princes, and our fathers, and to all the people of the land. 

 

Dan 10:2, 3  In those days I Daniel was mourning three full weeks. I ate no pleasant bread, neither came food nor wine in my mouth, neither did I wash myself at all, till three whole weeks were fulfilled. 

Our prayers are filled with what we need from God, but little of what we should do for God. Much of seeking His blessing, little of seeking His face. Much of asking, little of obedience. Much of doing, little of waiting. Much of being busy, little of being still. Much of studying doctrine, little of breaking the bonds of wickedness. Much of programs, little of rescuing those being led to death, and holding back those staggering towards slaughter. God is not powerless to save without prayers, we are. Our God's name is blasphemed everyday, his gospel is mocked by the heathen. I am witness to it. The world taunts the powerless church, 'where is this God that you speak of?'

 

I see the faces of the people. I see them laughing over nothing. I see them crying over everything. I see them angry and hateful towards God, and towards those they disagree with. I see their apathy and love gone cold. I see dead men dancing. I see professing Christians not believing. What I cannot see is how we as a church in spite of all this can still manage to ask for trivial things, food, money, health, sustenance.. over the kingdom's cause. The value you give to the kingdom of God is manifest in how much of your life you give to its cause. We remain focused on our needs, without being broken for sin. We are careful to confront sin, and we are too proud to accept correction and rebuke. Maybe that is why we are still in such a deplorable plight: the people who recite 'whoever loses his life my sake' simply refuse to die - and would rather worry about things Father told us not to worry about. The needs have taken precedence over the kingdom. 'A little less trouble for us if possible, please'. The bigger picture still eludes us.

We are in the days, where the enemy fights against you, and your ally also fights against you. Because he who is supposed to be your ally is too timid to fight, and would rather align himself with the enemy, though not in the same moral principle, but in the same carnal pursuits and wants. To seek a sense of ease in the midst of war. He caters to his proud emotions, and is easily offended. (Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them. Psalm 119:165). You are more likely to get wounded for promoting holiness and seriousness inside the modern church, than for preaching it on the streets, because the modern church is bent on maintaining the peaceful practice of swimming in shallow water. It is fearful of not feeling the security of the sand under its feet, and simply refuses to go to the deep end where the only thing it can hold on to is Christ. But that is where we were told to go. That is where the fishes are.  

 

..Launch out into the deep, and let down your nets for a catch. Luke 5:4

Seriousness in a pure church always exposes and purges away the complacent. The complacent never want to be serious, because they know they cannot consistently keep up the facade. The Philippines is the only nation I have. God birthed me here. If Israelites can weep for Israel, will God reprimand me for weeping before Him for my nation, and to hope in His mercy on its behalf? Did I know better before Christ found me? Do these faces know better now?

 

I want a burden from God for His name. I couldn't care less about what I think my family needs in order to live. I want a burden for His name which my nation grievously offends daily. Whenever I remember that God is holy, I fear for my nation, and I am reduced to being hopeless. This is the nation where my children will grow up in. What kind of nation am I building up for my children and their children? Why do I still manage to show little concern for its deathly state, when I have a God who is ready to hear my prayers for His name?

 

What is then left to ask for for evil, defiant, and rebellious sinners? That I may warn them - so as to vindicate my God's name. I believe the LORD's business is to build His kingdom in searching for the lost sheep through the church (dead mothers cannot give birth, dead churches follow the same) - my part is to warn the sinner in order to vindicate the name of my God. Let no unregenarate soul go unwarned. 

Our sins as a nation are grievously great, but I have the utmost hope that my Father will grant me my heart's request, because His mercy is greater. May it please Him to grant me the zeal of Phinehas, and the prayer of Epaphras. Charles Spurgeon tells us of the LORD, He loves to forgive, more than we love to sin.