Tightly Between The Gap

I would not, by these words, cast a mantle over the whole of Christ’s Church; for the Lord, in His infinite mercy, knows how to preserve unto Himself a faithful remnant—souls who refuse to bow the knee to the fleeting whims of men. (These are mere thoughts one afternoon I spent in the fields alone before the LORD that I lay for the record.)

Yet, as I walked this path, I have seen that religion itself serve to reveal the corruption which yet remains in the very being of man. It matters not how eloquently he may expound the Scriptures, nor how decorated he may be with the honors of seminary; the pride and prejudice of our fallen nature are woven into the very fiber of every son of Adam. We find, to our grief, that whatever our hands touch, we do also stain with our own imperfections. When left to the counsel of our own hearts, we cannot help but bring the weight of our biased experiences into the very fold of the faithful—it seeps into our sermons, our dealings with our fellow man, and steers the object of our private prayers—creates factions.

For as the Almighty alone authors the redemption of His elect, so too doth He alone summon whom He will to fulfill His holy purposes. This task, as we find in the sacred record, is not merely to gather men into the pews so they can take their silent notes; rather, it is a work that strips away the veneer to reveal the very fabric of the human heart. And what is found therein, but a deep-seated rebellion before the face of God? The people of God, as the Scriptures do everywhere testify, are not exempt from this inward strife. Even the redeemed carry the heavy chains of their own nature, the burial napkins that once bounded him, proving that our only hope lieth not in our own achievement or religious stations, but in the sovereign mercy of Him who called us out of darkness.

For the Word of the Almighty was never given merely to satisfy the intellect of the dead, (although it generally does so) but to raise the dead and bring the soul into a newness of life. He is born again to life, because the Author of life begins to live in Him. It is an experience not found in knowing about God in sermons, but in walking with God in His truth. Herein is the change in the inner man: Where once prayer was a way to move God's hand to do our will, the new creature finds a different grace. Now, prayer is wherein God moves upon our own hearts to do His Will. We no longer seek to command the throne, but to be commanded by the One who sits upon it.

Job, in his calamity, sought no earthly physician, but humbled himself before God. He was not restored by the medicines of men; but of the hand the LORD, He was renewed to be more than he ever was in his days of ease. Yet we, in our folly, resort to the dry wells of human education before a teacher, while Elijah sought the silence of the primitive cave to seek counsel before his creator. Often to be alone is to find the quietness of contemplation, and draw near to God. I may indeed find a spark of inspiration in reading the lives of saints whom God has used in ages past; but if I do not prostrate my own soul before the Throne as they did, I remain but an empty vessel, a spectator and not a participant, unfit for the Master’s use, though my intellect be a source of knowledge for others. The scholar may know the book, but only the seeking soul knows the author.

The vineyard is indeed vast, and the labor is great; and so the spirit of the servant cries out in trembling, 'Who is sufficient for these things?' [2 Corinthians 2:16] To stand as the very mouthpiece of the Almighty, while yet bearing the heavy chains of corruption within one’s own flesh—it is a burden, if properly and fully understood, no mortal can carry by his own strength, or take upon himself willingly. It is enough to pull the soul away, "Spare from sending me, O Lord; I am a sinful man. I will only fail you." [Luke 5:8] 

For mine iniquities are gone over mine head: as an heavy burden they are too heavy for me. My wounds stink and are corrupt because of my foolishness.
Psalms 38:4-5

True. Yet will not the LORD fail Himself. With the servant the errand is impossible, but with the LORD it is not. No word from the Almighty is void of power. Being worthy was never the pre-condition of servitude, only obedience. He doth not call the worthy (for no man is); He sanctifies the called, that the glory may be His alone. 

We are a generation too fearful to believe, and in our timidity, we petition the Almighty only for such burdens as we ourselves think we can carry. We forget, that when the Lord places upon us a weight too grievous for the common lot of men to bear, so too doth He pour out the grace sufficient to sustain it. We must confess with a contrite heart: the plans of God are never small; it is only the faith of man that is found wanting. We would fain measure the Infinite by our own trembling yardsticks, forgetting that He who calls us to the mountain top is the same who strengthens the knees to climb. Cease from seeking lighter loads, and begin seeking for that deeper grace which transforms the impossible task into a monument of His sustaining power.

For necessity is laid upon me. Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel!
1 Corinthians 9:16

Thus we behold this mysterious sight: the Almighty sends a sinner—a man himself born in sin—to proclaim His Holy Name unto his fellow sinners, who in their blindness hate both the messenger and the God who sent him. The servant is caught in a piteous strait. If he obeys and speaks the Truth, he must receive upon his own head the full weight of their hatred. Yet, if he forebears and keeps his peace, he must receive the far heavier weight of the Almighty’s Hand. He stands alone in the breach—pressed between a people who despise their Creator and a God whose axe is already laid at the foot of the tree. 

Where then, can the servant's soul flee? On the one side, the hand of the LORD rests heavy upon his being, driving him into waters of bitter anguish until he cries out in his travail, 'Lord, who would ever believe the report we proclaim?' [Isa 53:1] Perhaps it was the very humanity of the weeping prophet that cried out, 'I will make no further mention of His Name; I shall no more speak as His messenger.' But then the Word becomes as a burning fire, locked fast within the very marrow of his bones. The servant grows weary with the striving to hold it in, and finds he cannot. [Jer 20:9] For the Almighty will surely accomplish His own purpose, saying to the trembling lip: You must speak my words to them whether they listen or not, for they are rebellious. Those who listen will listen, but the indifferent will refuse, for they are a rebellious house.  Be not rebellious like that rebellious house; open your mouth and eat what I give you. [Eze 2:7, Eze 3:27, Eze 2:8] For the servant’s bread is the Will of Him who sends, though it be sprinkled with the ashes of his own desire.

It is of grace that the Lord, fully knowing the frailty of our self-preserving humanity, has shown us the only proper and acceptable response to such a heavy calling. He does not leave us in despair, but points us to that garden where the Savior Himself prayed: 'O My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me.' Herein is the mercy of God: that He allows the servant to feel the weight of the cup. Yet, herein also is the victory: the cry does not end in retreat, but in the holy surrender of the inner man—'Nevertheless, not as I will, but as Thou wilt.' [Matt 26:39]

Thus, the servant findeth peace; not in the removal of the burden, but in the yielding of the heart to the hand that carries him through it. Two things I leave learned in my solitary gleanings, two things He will always accept. Thanksgiving, and Surrender. That is all any man can do before God. Thus when I stand before my Lord, my heart's desire is to say as did the psalmist:

I have preached righteousness in the great congregation: lo, I have not refrained my lips, O LORD, thou knowest. I have not hid thy righteousness within my heart; I have declared thy faithfulness and thy salvation: I have not concealed thy lovingkindness and thy truth from the great congregation.
Psalms 40:9-10