Going Home

As in most times I am told to go, this particular bidding was hard on my flesh for reasons I myself cannot recall then, so I will endeavor to explain the remainder of this past Saturday here. 

I stood for a good while on the stairs after alighting off the train station on my way home, looking at these people who were standing in line waiting for the provincial bus to come in. This is the same line that I take to board my bus. There was nothing out of the ordinary for the line to form this long, except that, at that moment, I knew what the Lord was moving me to do, and so I began to tremble inside.

I have handed out tracts around this area often on my way home. I have pleaded with the people at other points of interest around this area as well, but I have always yearned to reach out to the people of this particular spot. I have also stood in line with the same people many, many times, hiding in shameful silence, my insides burning with the Gospel, without even trying to overcome my carnal fear, just so I can preserve my self-esteem. This is detestable.

This afternoon the Lord stirred my spirit within me once again to finally stand for him here. Like a little child I kicked in futility against the pricks, and stood dumbfounded on the sidewalk for the longest time staring blankly at the traffic, waiting for something that would excuse myself from what I needed to do. I did not get to have quiet time that morning, and I thought to myself that perhpas the Lord would not be with me in this because I have despised him. But as quickly as I told this to myself, a reminder came: he bestows his favor not because of what I can do for him, but because of what he already did for me. What great comfort was the calm that followed it.

Approaching the throne of grace, offering my fears and weakness, humbly pleading for the Lord to bestow his mercy upon me, I asked that he may be pleased to grant that I may become his footstool, and to lift up and preach Christ. Yet again in a moment of ignorance, I asked that he would not send me if he go not before me, but in a most Fatherly kindness, he gently replied, "When did I ever leave you?"

I was assisted mightily in the spirit by his grace, without thinking of what I would say, but my heart simply went out in urgency and anguish to these poor souls who for the most part looked strangely at me, but they acknowledged and granted me their full attention for an hour. I stood on a natural garbage heap that acted as my pulpit over the people. With my back against the train station's high wall, it became a massive sound board, bouncing and amplifying my voice over the whole area. There were times I would gaze up and see a lot of people high up on the train tarmac listening, along with the residents of the shanties around peering out their windows; I pleaded earnestly for the lost condition of their souls, their offense against God’s laws, their impending doom for their continued rebellion, hiding behind religion, and what God did through the complete and finished work of Christ, his power to save to the utmost.

The line did not move for a long time, and for the duration of my speech the buses scarcely came in; two within one hour, which is not the usual case, and is most probably the only miracle that manifested itself at all. Such is God's hand. When I ended, I thanked the people for their attention and blessed them, walked away into the traffic to circle around the other way, and quietly slipped to the end of the line, which was not in my view then, so nobody there knew I spoke. Only then did the buses arrive again by the numbers.

Nothing special happened. Not one stone cast against me either, I thank God. I would, that I should see no result for my labors here on earth so as to allow no room for my wretched self to boast in anything I have done, as I resign my efforts solely to that great day, to discover the fruit and extent of my  labors only then, and rejoice, in that Christ has called his own to himself through the only sacrifice I can bring to his altar, that is, my own weak self. I bring no credentials of mine own to my God, for even the crown I am to offer him, came from him. This life he lent to me, only does well to go back to him and for him.

May the Lord finally see the travail of his righteous  soul, and be satisfied.