For All I Know

I am the least likely candidate for public speaking. Having suffered much from low self-esteem since my childhood days and bullying from high-school, I am horrified at the thought of approaching somebody with regards to my thoughts. But I understand that that in itself makes me the perfect candidate for the Lord. Not because of anything in myself, but because I have no one else to lean on or turn to other than Christ himself. Hudson Taylor once replied, to a person who asked how he was the only one who succeeded in doing missionary work in inland China, "God was looking for somebody small and weak enough to use, and at last he found me."

So while I was on my last few spoonfuls having quiet dinner with my wife, I distinctly heard the Lord tell me, "Sit beside these children and tell them about me." My first reaction was, "but Lord..", and I stammered. I miserably could not follow up with a good enough excuse. Having learned a lesson yesterday, I submitted myself. I asked humbly for leading, which I immediately received. I was making up more reasons not to in my head, but the Lord's silence after my hesitation terrified me. I did not want to disappoint him, weak as I am.

It turned out to be one of the best conversations I have initiated with complete strangers. Two girls, and three boys, one of which is a professing Christian. I began with the law, and as I gave simple examples they can relate to, switching back and forth with the truth of scripture, they quickly recognized their self-reliance does not guarantee them anything. Only after I have taken away their means to justify themselves before the law, did I mention grace. The cross of Christ can only shine as brightly as it should when placed in front of the backdrop the darkness of sin.

To make a long story short, it was over faster than I expected. They were noticeably affected. I thank the Lord for that. I asked them when was the last time they have heard of such a thing, they could not answer. It was a sad thought, that it took a stranger to tell them these things. After closing our conversation with an admonition to talk with the Lord directly, I excused myself. Their asking my name and extending a handshake told me they have welcomed the message with gladness and gratitude. Once again, the Lord humbled me, but with much kindness taught me to cast all my cares and fears to him. Oh Lord, may you give the increase as you see fit. Glorify your name.

My wife and I went out to the parking lot, and seeing there was a build up of traffic just behind where I was parked I decided to risk raising up the cross once again. The familiar feeling of victory over shame, and death to my flesh, once again overcame me. I missed letting the cross speak for itself. The amount of people that looked, strained, and ogled, I cannot count. The Lord knows. Even the enemy took notice and quickly accosted me to stop what I was doing. But I am not ignorant of his devices. We turned the situation around and witnessed to the responding guards as well. They all left with a tract in their hands.

I only needed 15 minutes to stand there. In my mind, I was thinking of a person, tired from work, inside a passing vehicle, whom the Lord was already calling to for so long, seeing this strange sign here, of all places, and upon arriving home would finally cry out to the Lord in repentance. Carrying this cross has more disappointments and seeming waste, than success and results. William Carey, the great missionary to India, had to labor for six years without a single hint or evidence of success, before he finally saw the fruits of his labor. I may spend the rest of my life laboring without seeing a single soul saved; but that isn't really the reason why I am doing this. This path is not about pragmatism. It is in fact, the complete opposite. I am to lift him up, in obedience. Nothing more. He does the calling of men to himself.

May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward for his suffering.