What May Have Never Been

This is our 13th month of gathering since we began studying the word February of last year. I was doing an archive of our year's worth of recordings and made a tally: over a hundred and ninety five meetings in just that short of a span. Until this night I had not realized the immensity of God's work, and how much He has accomplished for us in mercifully opening such great graces. If I had foreseen this I would have been doubly afraid. I bless the LORD for sending me counsels of godly pastors and brothers when I was for months seeking wisdom in leaving our previous membership. They were very gracious, overflowing with love, truthful, and more importantly, biblical. It would be more sinful to remain when God was bidding me to leave. Better to be divided by the truth, than to be unified under error.

Father has since bridged the gap for us of scripture and present day life, corrected our motives, introduced us to wondrous new insights and awe of the knowledge of Him, and granted us care for more dear souls. As I survey God's wondrous hand, I wanted to say, this is more than enough LORD. But then it was never about how much I can bring to the LORD, but how much He will put upon me. The greater the responsibility, the greater the graces. The servant is irrelevant. All of it rests upon God who chooses and equips the one whom He sends.

I am afraid to think I would live to be more than 60. If it were up to me, I would only want to live until 60 or less. 60 years is equivalent to 3,130 weeks. If I only have 9 years left, I only have 469 weeks to live my all before I stand to give an account before my LORD. I am not afraid of the remaining time. I am also not afraid of what Father will do through me, but what I am afraid of is my capacity to sin, and mess things up, thereby dishonoring Father. Ah, dear LORD, I look only to you. My need for His daily graces run deeper than I can possibly imagine. 

Beginning middle of next month, Lord willing, I will embark on a more terrifying work with equal the risk. A great burden has been set upon my shoulders of late. My spirit is much anxious till I get to seek His hand regarding it. But if there is one thing I am sure of, that desire did not come from me; it was given. I will never think to undertake such a task. But then again, it is a good thing for His name that I will ask. And Father is the Giver of all good things that I ask for His name's sake.