Restless

I was not aware that it was another pagan holiday tomorrow (another excuse to fornicate for most who do not know the difference between lust and true love) until I was giving away tracts and saw lots of heart balloons and flowers around. I was down and restless the whole day since the day before and I knew I had to go out in public. I asked the LORD my God on the way to my usual fishing hole that in spite of myself, may this pleading be a call to either one or many, instead of a witness against those who will hear, for Christ's sake alone. I was not in high spirits this past week. My devotions have been embarrassingly timid, and I had trouble reading and re-reading the texts again and again, struggling to understand what I had just read. But God's word is not dependent on my worthiness or mood swings. I have fallen short of the glory of God, period. I realized that even at my holiest moment, I still am unworthy to carry the good news of Christ.

As I gave away tracts I was discouraged, as always, to speak, and quietly told myself to spare me the trouble and simply give my materials away. But the LORD would not let me. Like Jonah, I went in the opposite direction to the nearby Catholic church and handed tracts to some students sitting there, hoping to pass the time and go far from where I was supposed to be.

I saw two tracts on the road, discarded. I saw two souls who rejected Christ. (May the LORD grant them mercy). I had to go back. And so I went there knowing nothing of what I was about to say, but I simply went, stood, and spoke. And the LORD delivered. He gathered to Himself a devoted crowd to hear the gospel from start to finish, while we yet had light until after it was dark (such show of mercy and encouragement for the weakness of His servant). One fellow telling his friends to go on ahead without him as he stayed to listen. From a distance, I can see people sitting still, listening intently to the message. I ended an hour later, my battery running out on me.

I honestly do not know where each tract goes. It is not difficult to lose confidence with this work, seeing little or no result. It is quite easy to be dejected. But I do expect to be amazed when I stand before my LORD on that great day and a soul shows me a tract he received one day. Regardless of what I see of the fruits or not, God is able to do more with my few loaves and two fishes.