Year-end Thoughts

Journal Entry. 10th November. 12.13 AM

What a sobering thought it is for me to stand before God on that great day, assuming that in spite dedicating all my remaining years, expecting to have delivered even one soul through my labor, and to find after all, none had been. But then again nothing we do in the LORD is in vain. Though I may not carry any particular interest but only wishes on the salvation of souls through my meager efforts, surely, I have witnessed against my generation. That I cannot deny. The prophets of old did, (though a worm such as I would never dare even compare myself.) 

Biblical Christianity has never been that which conforms to accepted practice, but one that stands in contrast against it. I cannot count the number of times I've asked myself, 'why can't I just keep quiet and be like the person next to me?' I find myself abnormally gray amidst the crowd of happy vibrant Christians. And instead, this gray person asks, 'do you even really love the LORD?' - this very question keeps me awake at night.

More and more, God is teaching me how perfect love dissolves all fear. Perfect love sacrifices, fear cares for popular opinion. Perfect love rejoices in doing good to all, fear does good only to people of the same belief. Perfect love upholds unpopular truth, fear tolerates complacency and compromises. Perfect love obeys despite being afraid, fear incapacitates even the most mature of Christians into apathy and lethargic service. The kind of worldly worship that has never torn their clothes and laid all night in the dust before God in anguish for sin. 

One can dedicate his whole life in the service of God without really worshiping him. All the famous names on the A-list in Simon's party for his guest of honor, and Christ commends no one but the uninvited, weeping, broken, out-of-place, but worshiping adulteress.

1 Corinthians 13 has erased all my misconceptions of Christian service and knocked me back to the simplicity of loving God, of worshiping Him out of love, adoring Him out of love, of being in awe of Him because He is. Thoughts bursting with Him - so much that it overflows into service. With a sober realization that we are offering God far less than He demands and deserves. A series of rising to the heights of ecstatic praise, and of sinking low into the depths of grief and mourning.

The whole of Malachi 1 cries aloud against half-hearted, programmable, 'worship' for show. A kindling of the fire indeed - but in vain. Offerings of weekly, unbroken and scripted programs void of power. All doctrine and no unction. All love with no action. A people who worship in public without worshiping in secret. A people who need to be worked up with gleeful music first because they enter the congregation with hearts unprepared, unbroken, and un-expectant to meet God. A Romanized version of 'acceptable Christianity' that we have deluded ourselves into thinking God is obligated to receive from our hand whatever it is we want to offer.

He wants our life, not just some of our days. Our worship, not our singing. Our mourning, not our feasting. Our love, not our sacrifice. Says, Amy Carmichael, 'You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving.'  Not all who serve the Lord worship the Lord, but all who truly worship the Lord is bound to serve Him with all their heart, all their soul, all their mind, and all their strength.

Love.

It should be the only reason why we obey God by bringing His name to the nations. It is why people go to the LORD's vineyard. It is why caring shepherds hold themselves accountable for the welfare of their flock. It is why a husband loves his wife. It is why people obey without being reminded to. It is why truth is held at a premium. It is why a true believer's love is utterly hated by the world, because the world accepts only the sin-tolerant love of the world. God's perfect love comes in the form of truth, and the world hates the truth in all its purity, as well as the Giver of truth in all His holiness. 

Apathy is the opposite of love, as is fear. Apathy breeds tolerance of a seared conscience, fear turns a blind eye to lukewarmness. Apathy lets a wrong deed slide, fear places unity above correction. Apathy lets men go to a Christ-less death, and fear reduces God's commands to optional suggestions - it is saying with our mouths, "the Lord's table is important," but with our lives, "not really." Apathy hides the light under the bushel of conformity with its own kind, fear tolerates dead preaching. Fear wants a peaceful co-existence along with other religions, not a Christianity that is at war for the insulted glory of God, and the souls of God-hating men. Fear, makes a person sincerely religious, but it renders him powerless and useless.

Love.

"But the greatest of this is Agape." Not passive love, but love in action. Love is but a dead word until action gives it meaning. The devil doesn't care if you shout to the world your love for God, but he takes serious offense when you start putting that profession into action.

Love.

It is the only reason why God gave His only begotten Son. And it should be the root cause of all Christian service and worship. "I do what I do because God loves me, and I love Him. I know no other reason. I know no other way." 

Christ has already given the ultimate sacrifice, we can give no higher. It's our response to love God, not for anything else, but for who He is. And I cannot even begin to describe Him.

 There will be harsh condemnation for the hypocrite who has a valuable male animal in his flock but vows and sacrifices something inferior to the Lord. For I am a great king,” says the Lord who rules over all, “and my name is awesome among the nations.

Malachi 1:14