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I was finally able to minister to this place that I have had in my heart for a long time now. Deep inside a very busy market in Santa Maria, Bulacan. A mixed multitude. A great number of souls. Father has smiled on me again. Today, I am alone. And as usual, afraid. But my Father is with me.

 

Too many things happened all at once this week. I realized I have become busier now than when I was in the corporate world. I amuse myself thinking how my former business partners would never be found going to the places I now frequent, let alone the often muddy trail I tread just to go on errands. Life back then consisted of air-conditioned meetings, P6,000 lunch and dinner meals with foreign nationals, weekend family outs to the malls and movie houses - and then I look at my shoe now half buried in the mud and my legs soiled, walking past children on the street using cuss words that would embarrass my old workmates. I see many things that clearly outline the life I had then to the life I have now. I look down in silence, not out of dismay, but out of wonder. God in His immeasurable wisdom has placed me right in the center of His will. I have never found myself regretting His sovereign redirection.

In spite of my daily inner wars which always leave me telling myself, "there has to be somebody far better than me that God can use with a bigger headspace, lesser mistakes and fewer failures." I shake my head in disbelief, gratitude, and humility all at once. Like Jacob I feel myself to be but a worm in the sight of God often, and the amazing thing is Father never lets me wallow in the mud of self-pity for long. He always immediately lifts me up in the spirits by reminding me of His unfailing love and enduring mercy.

It feels tremendously pleasing to the soul to remain unlearned when it comes to the knowledge of the things of God and wholly dependent on His providence. There is too many noise even in church and ministry. I find my solace in being alone and still. Quiet in frequent overnight and morning watches. My brothers are not with me today in the vineyard, but I do miss working alone. Father has smiled on me again.