Starting Over

My friends, it has been a long time since I last wrote to you. My final post was in 2011 on the blog "Onewayride." As some of you remember, that site documented my time spent on motorcycles—a period marked more by youthful energy than by a sober life. Since that time, my life has changed profoundly. The year 2014 stands as a clear marker in my life, as the hand of God directed the course of my soul. I will now share the reflections and experiences from my personal diary with a candid heart.

If the name of this new journal puzzles you, let me provide some context. It comes from a book that has deeply impacted my soul: a powerful volume by Jock Purves, a close companion of Leonard Ravenhill. His work describes the trials and the steadfast faith of the Scottish Covenanters. I highly recommend it; it is a book that pierces the heart and strengthens one's resolve. For the colleagues I work with and the acquaintances who know my position but not my heart, I offer this brief and candid update on my life and the journey of my soul.

I was raised in the Roman Catholic faith, but after being baptized into a new faith, I quickly turned back to the world. For the first 24 years of my life, I lived in darkness. My path was defined by folly and the pursuit of my own desires. In His mercy, God called me out of that death—but what followed was a different kind of tragedy. For the next 19 years, I wore the name "Christian" as a mask. I was a self-deceived man, a "spiritual chameleon" who kept the outward form of religion while denying its power. I was a hypocrite and a stumbling block to others; my inner life was a secret collection of idols. My witness was false, empty, and worthless.

I praise the name of Jesus Christ, the Great Shepherd, who finally sought and found me. His grace broke through the thick veil of my self-righteousness. My heart was violently convicted of its deceit; I saw my sin in the fierce light of His holiness, and I was completely overwhelmed.

“But He, being full of compassion, forgave their iniquity, and destroyed them not: yea, many a time turned He His anger away, and did not stir up all His wrath.” (Psalm 78:38)

In that hour, I was truly saved. My old self—that man of deceit—was crucified. The Holy Spirit began a work of renewal in me, and I was purified by the blood of Christ. It was a total transformation: I was moved from the shadow of death into the true Life that is in Jesus. Now, I am a work in progress. While my final perfection before God is still to come, His sanctifying fire is at work in my soul right now. It is a daily, often painful, but glorious process of being shaped into the image of my Savior.

Everything that once filled my public writing—my shallow interests, my fleeting accomplishments, and my personal pride—has been erased. I have cleared away the old self to make room for the Gospel of the God who saved me. This is now the sole purpose of these pages: to serve as a warning to the "sleeping Christians"—those believers I was once a part of. I am speaking to those who, out of spiritual cowardice, have chosen to hide in the comfort and safety of the world.

The object of our preaching is not to please selfish sinners with stories of their own comfort. We do not peddle a "wonderful plan" that caters to their desires. Such a message betrays the Cross and soothes a soul that needs to be convicted of sin. Instead, our duty is to proclaim the righteous wrath of God against disobedience. We do not invite the lost to God with the promise of earthly blessings or personal gain. The goal is not for them to "get something" out of Him; that motive is still rooted in self-love.

Come to God for mercy because of your crimes against His majesty. Man is an idolater of self, placing himself on the throne where God belongs. Unless a man flees this self-worship and casts himself on the mercy of Christ, he will face divine judgment. Over the last ten years in the streets of Bulacan, I have seen many approach this work as an "experience" to be tasted, not a life to be surrendered. I have watched many start with zeal and then fall away for the sake of comfort. But by His mercy, the fire in me hasn't dimmed. It burns hotter with every mile. It is a mystery of grace that after a decade of pleading with the crowd, the burden for the lost is heavier now than when I first began. The street is not a stage for a performer; it is a battlefield for the broken. We go because we are captured by His affection, driven by a "holy pressure" that cannot rest until the fold is full.

The Method of Conviction: Law, Fallow Ground, and the Cross

The method of our ministry is not a new invention. Our pulpit does not offer soothing lullabies; instead, we proclaim the Law of God against the unrepentant sinner. We do this out of a deep and holy love. The Law must do its terrifying work. It acts as a sword, separating soul and spirit, exposing the deceit of the heart, and convicting a man of his treason against God. We labor in this way until the Holy Spirit—the Divine Husbandman—has broken up the hardened ground of the heart. Only when a soul is terrified of its own ruin is it ready to receive the Good News of pardon and peace. The bandage is not applied until the wound has been exposed.

Our work is not finished until the self-idolater—thoroughly convinced of his crimes and terrified of the sentence—casts himself down and cries out to God in true repentance. Only when this cry is genuine does the Father, in His boundless mercy, grant full forgiveness. Then, and only then, does the Lord Jesus Christ become more than a convenience. He becomes the only Salvation, the only Hope, and the only Life.

The True Expectation of the Faithful Heralds
What, then, should we expect from this fearless proclamation of both judgment and mercy? We have a single, immovable certainty: in fulfilling this difficult commission, we will share in the suffering of the Cross. We expect no worldly reward, no easy path, and no popular acclaim. Instead, we anticipate scorn, rejection, and trials, knowing that the Master Himself was a "man of sorrows." To endure the world’s reproach is simply the natural badge of those who stand for an uncompromised Gospel.

The Chief End of All Preaching: Christ’s Supreme Glory

Let every human ambition be consumed, and let the truth be spoken without apology. The ultimate, holy purpose of our preaching is not merely that a sinner should be saved—though that is a wondrous mercy. Neither is the purpose of our toil to elevate the messenger in the eyes of men, or to receive any fleeting, earthly blessing. None of these things is our final cause. The single, magnificent, and only end of our words, our striving, and our very existence in this work is this:

That the Lord Jesus Christ Might Be Glorified Above All!

He alone deserves the sinner for whom he died.

He alone deserves the life of the person he has redeemed.

He alone deserves the reward for his suffering.

He alone will judge the living and the dead.

Therefore, let the entire purpose of our renewed lives be concentrated upon this: The exaltation of Christ! Let us speak, live, and suffer only that He may be great!