God's Gift

Last year, I was told indirectly by a pastor, "I am an ordained elder. You are not." Thereafter the poor congregation was threatened unnecessarily with carefully chosen excerpts from Calvin's Institutes to refrain from corresponding with me from that day forward, and if I were to take just one, I would be a wolf. 

This is the kind of darkened pride that would rather watch sheep drown, than praise God for leading them to greener pastures. Father has always led me through the narrow path right from the very beginning, and He is not about to let go of me now.  

Contrary to what most believe, that numbers and success dictates the health of a church, I have absolutely no desire to add another soul to my accountability on judgement day. I am terrified and joyful at the same time, for the small sheep entrusted to me. Small in number yes, but in awe of God's majesty and gracious election. I would rather be Smyrna, than Ephesus. It was by God's good graces that I responded with humility instead to that pastor. There was no need to justify myself. Wisdom justifies her own children. He was in the wrong for trying to append Romans 8:1 and condemning me. 

Moreover, since our in-depth study of the counsel of peace we have moved into the presbyterian form of church government. God has placed it in my heart to be under church authority when we first started gathering 2017. And in that longing I ignorantly deemed all reformed churches as one and the same. But I realized that there were risks with forms of church government having just one overseeing pastor who is accountable to no one in the church but only to his superiors. There is a tendency to apply his personality in the handling of the affairs of the congregation. That to question the pastor is to challenge the church, therefore to rebel against Christ. I cannot in clear conscience walk with this, and thus I was despised, in spite of the lowliness and grace I exhibited on those occasions. 

Abraham Booth writes, 

"I will now, my brothers, for a few minutes direct your attention to another divine precept, and then conclude. Paul, when addressing Titus in the language of apostolic authority, says, "Let no one despise thee." This is a singular and remarkable saying! No one, whether a professed Christian, an unbelieving Jew, or an idolatrous Gentile, should despise him. Observe, however, that it is not said, "Let no one envy, or hate, or persecute thee," but, "Let no one despise thee." How, then, was Titus to preserve his character from contempt? By the penal exercise of miraculous powers on those who dared to treat him with indignity? No such expedient is here intimated. By assuming lordly titles, appearing in splendid robes, taking to himself the trappings of state, and causing the vulgar to keep their distance? Nothing less. For that would have been directly contrary to an established law of Christ, and in consistent with the nature of His kingdom. 

But, as the apostle in another place plainly intimates, it was by becoming a bright example to the believers in word, in conversation, in charity or love, in spirit, in faith or fidelity, in purity. In other words, by being preeminent among those who adorned the doctrine of God our Savior."

The Christian Pastor's Manual: Pastoral Cautions. Page 101.

To grow in love for God and in zeal for His honor in conformity to the will of Christ, and in heavenly-mindedness, should be your first concern. Look well, therefore, to your internal character. For it is awful to think of appearing as a minister without really being a Christian, or of anyone officially watching over the souls of others who is habitually unmindful of his own immortal interest.
Abraham Booth

Father has since then gifted us with this puritan library. So we may walk forward in the same learning as those people God used to shape church history. I do not rely on contemporary preachers or youtube. I lean only on the scriptures, the puritans, and the enabling of the Holy Spirit. More than these, a love for reading and learning has also been bestowed to this unworthy servant. Consistent disciplined schedule of study enables me to finish 30 pages a day, or at least 11 books before the year ends.